I am a Year 5 student at Tamaki Primary School in Auckland, NZ. I am in Room 7 and my teacher is Miss Ashley.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
It was a shiny glorious day for this lady.The lady took her shoes off and Chuck it away then she had ran away so fast then she was tied so she she had to lye down in the mud.
Ariki, a great way to start your sentence "it was a shiny glorious day"...
And then..
Your story is two sentences? It should be 3 paragraphs, what happened? You need to add detail to you writing -who is the lady? -what is her name? -where was she? -why did she take her shoes off? -why did she throw her shoes away? -where did she run? -why did she run away? -who did she run away from? -why did she lie down in the mud?
Ariki, a great way to start your sentence "it was a shiny glorious day"...
ReplyDeleteAnd then..
Your story is two sentences? It should be 3 paragraphs, what happened?
You need to add detail to you writing
-who is the lady?
-what is her name?
-where was she?
-why did she take her shoes off?
-why did she throw her shoes away?
-where did she run?
-why did she run away?
-who did she run away from?
-why did she lie down in the mud?